Before I let loose on my rant, I’d like to tout a picture of the brownie I made last night — Walnut chocolate chunk brownie with vanilla ice cream and a cherry on top. Era muy deliciosa.

Now, onwards to today’s main topic.
An interesting quandary emerged as I was chatting with my friend Phil on messenger. As friends or acquaintances of someone in a relationship, can we truly be objective in an advisory sense? The below conversation is provided for simplicity purposes:

Phil says:
     I was discussing with a friend of mine
Phil says:
     her predicament with her bf
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Mmhm?
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Go on.
Phil says:
     she placates him about his job
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Is there more?
Phil says:
     well
Phil says:
     like he always complains about his job
Phil says:
     and she just listens to he thinks she cares
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     But she doesn’t truly care, or what?
Phil says:
     well, no
Phil says:
     she doesn’t.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Well, my evaluation of my matter has several different perspectives.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     1) She doesn’t care for him *that* much.
     2) She doesn’t have the backbone to ask him to stop complaining about it.
     3) He’s rather insensitive if his job is all he cares about.
Phil says:
     well
Phil says:
     he doesn’t treat her even half right
Phil says:
     2, … that’s not the case at all
Phil says:
     3, and he is a dick.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Phil, what I’ve managed to understand from your character these past couple of years
     is that you always skew the situation in such a way that your friend (usually the
     girl of the relationship) falls victim to a “dick.” You have to consider that you only 
     view the circumstance through the eyes of your friend and not the counterparty.
Phil says:
     that’s true.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Wow, I was expecting a negation on your part.
Phil says:
     why ?
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Because that’s what people do — They vindicate themselves and/or their actions if
     their character is, in the slightest, being attacked.
Phil says:
     i guess i’m ready to be chastised ? I dunno.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     The previous only applies to certain circumstances, anyway.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     But you do understand what I was saying before, right? About your perspective, I
     mean.
Phil says:
     yeah I know
Phil says:
     I skew it
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Besides what she says of her boyfriend, what else do you know about him?
Phil says:
     if she’s crying or something and just needs to be held
Phil says:
     he’ll try to rationalize away her tears
Phil says:
     he doesn’t know much about women.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     I said besides what she’s told you of him.
Phil says:
     oh
Phil says:
     nothing.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     Well, there’s your first mistake.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     …and keep in mind that the majority of women are overly emotional. She may be
     crying about the most ridiculous situation.
https://nimbime.wordpress.com/ says:
     I don’t think you can judge him in toto until you manage to comprehend both
     views, of hers and of his.

When someone is emotionally involved in a situation, it is almost impossible to be objective. And yet, objectivity and compassion are the most important qualities necessary when dispensing advice. In the case presented above, Phil allowed his compassion for his friend to overcome his objectivity. However, even if he had been objective, his perspective of the situation would be malapropos and askew because he failed to apprehend standpoints of both parties.

Per universal intendment, people tend to consult their friends for advice on a regular basis, which poses complications:
     Firstly, the advisee expects the adviser to be reassuring, empathetic, and gracious. The majority of the time, blunt and unpleasant truths offered by the consultant will, thus, render the consultant to be judged as harsh and callous. In order to avoid such bearings then, people mince their words, resulting in a disortion of the truth (and consequently) leaving the advisee with a counterfactual implication.
     Secondly, the confidant who cares for his/her friend and who has only a glimpse of the entire situation by mere conspectus of this friend may misjudge the subject because only one viewpoint is offered. The confidant then advises based solely on that perspective, which causes the friend to believe his/her comprehension of the matter is correct.

How, then, can we avoid these quandaries? (Granted that you genuinely want veracious advice.)
1. State that you want the truth, even if it may be harsh
2. Don’t ask friends who are emotionally involved or who can’t offer objectivity for advice
3. Talk to the person of the problem (if the problem is a person) to obtain a better understanding of his/her disposition
4. Seek psychological help if deemed necessary

Oh, and Phil — You don’t entirely have a superb understanding of the female psyche yourself. Men who propose they have exceptional knowledge of the female species are nonsensical. Furthermore, generalization of the female species such that you can obtain a “better understanding of women” is both moronic and a lost cause. You cannot understand women (pl.) unequivocally — There are far too many shades to be reckoned with. Apologies for being harsh and callous.

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